I haven’t written for a few weeks because I have been busy setting up my new online business as an Avon Independent Sales Rep. My online store is http://www.youravon.com/susanhudson if any of you would like to shop and place an order. This will be my income while I am waiting on social security, and will continue with it after that to supplement.
I have to give a sermon this Sunday, and the theme is Listen and Hear. The scripture is the parable about the sower and the seeds.
I am having some trouble getting my thoughts together on this. I have made some notes, and I know it will come together any day now. Contemplation has reminded me of being a single parent, and what kind of “seeds” I did or did not plant in my son. I feel like I missed a lot of opportunities to instill in him a sense of spirituality as I understand it. I was too busy making a living for us, dealing with a mental illness ( will write about that later) and just making sure he got what he needed from the school. He is dyslexic you see, and it was a battle getting him what he needed in order to learn. And he also has always had a high IQ, and this made him question EVERYTHING, even the teachers at school had to really be on their toes and he would know if you were giving some BS answer.
Anyway, I feel a bit guilty that I did not get him to church as much when he was a teen, or to camp. In my life, having that made a difference. I wanted that for him, but our family dynamic was so much different. I was never prepared to be a parent much less a single parent and no help from his father.
I must say though, he is a fine adult, a great husband and a doting father. He has found his own brand of spirituality and it is still evolving. I know the Creator that I believe in is watching over him and his family. He does let me take Sammie to church when I have her, and she loves it. In addition to that I read to her from her toddler’s bible and other bible story books. Right now she is fascinated with Angels, and she likes for me to sing to her about Jesus. I want to make up for what I didn’t do with my son, by doing it with Sammie.
The thing is, it’s all different now. When my son was a child, I did believe the Bible was factually true and that Jesus HAD to die for my sins to be forgiven. Over the past 10 years, my beliefs have changed. I now accept the Bible as an important book, as scripture, but not literal. I tend to give more attention to the gospels and take the rest as metaphor. I do believe in Jesus as a divine being, a part of God, perhaps actually as God, but I think he died for may other reasons. I focus on the resurrection instead. I don’t believe in sin, I believe that the choices and mistakes that we make in this life are part of our learning process.
And what is it we are here to learn anyway? I believe the answer to that is love. It is all about love. Nothing else really matters but that. And this is what I want to get across to Sammie as she grows up. That she is made of love, that there is a spark of the divine within her and in all people. That we and God and nature and the earth and the universe are One. I wonder how her life will turn out if she is allowed to grow up believing in these things, and being allowed to find her own way to a spiritual life. I imagine a peaceful mind and a loving approach to life for her. If I can help her find this, I will be satisfied that indeed ….she has helped me and I have helped her, as she told me it would be.